I have a supervisor at the lemonade stand, Maria, and she is not good at her job. I don't think she actually understands what she's supposed to be doing. I'm not sure if she's lazy, or dumb, or perhaps both. I think it's both. She spends most of her day chatting with co-workers about nonsense, and then complains about how much work she has to do and how little time to do it. Maria fails to understand that whining is eating up most of her work day.

And I've never really see her do any work. I've really only seen her pass the buck or "delegate" work to others. Maria doesn't seem to realize that if you delegate work to someone it's still someone else's words and ideas. It is fun to fuck something up and let her pretend it's hers and simply enjoy the fall out. One needs to have a little fun at work. And I figure someone who's a total douchebag about intellectual property kind of deserves it.

Boss loves her and thinks she should be in upper management. I think so, too. Anything to get her the hell away from me would be prefered. I also think she'd get fired rather quickly because the inability to think would probably become more obvious. Also, if she didn't have a group of people to explain the basic workings of a lemonade stand, she'd be seriously screwed. If a customer asks a simple question it will often baffle her.

Boss told me a story once about a place he used to work and how it received a serious threat to public safety. Boss conferred with the police department who explained that 90% of the time it's not real. Boss did not evacuate the building and nothing bad happened. He uses this story to illustrate that people have time to make decisions, and they don't have to jump to conclusions. Maria likes to use this story as a reason not to respond to pertinent issues brought to her attention in person, or through email. She says she wants to think about it, but she never really gets back to you about it. I imagine circus music playing in her head because whatever her brain is filled with it's not work related.

Me, I'd have evacuated the building. I tend to ere on the side of people being alive and it's a risky little game he played that could have had dire consequences. I also think do what's at hand now rather than putting it off in the hope that it will turn out to be nothing.

Bee!

Fuckwits Ruin it for the Rest of Us

The Lemonade Stand, like every job, has a series of requirements best called operational needs. This includes making sure there's enough people to staff the stand, as well as enough people to help the stand do what the stand is there to do - serve lemonade.

I work with some fuckwits who simply refuse and seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to leave these tasks for others to do. I'm nowhere near perfect. I abdicate tasks when I'm having a lazy moment, or I don't feel well, or I want to chat a bit. But I'm not habitual. I recognize when I'm slacking off, and at some point I believe I make up for it. Most of the time, at least.

But I hate working with people who have this sense of entitlement and circumvent the little dreary tasks that need to get done. Nike was right - just do it. It's got to be easier to - in Texas slang - get er done than it is to avoid the work. I work with one guy who actually giggles when you ask why he didn't make more lemonade when we ran out. Giggles. A thirty-something straight man who can't come up with an excuse so he uses a nervous girly laugh instead.

Do the fuckwits not understand that it's a lemonade stand, not a desk job. Most of it is working with customers, doing work to prepare the stand for customers, putting stuff out to entice customers - this stuff isn't optional.

One of my main irritations with the management is that they don't notice these people, so there's no accountability for staff. I don't care what kind of organization you work for, if you have objectives that reach beyond your one lemonade stand and affect the consortium of lemonade stands, good management is in control and aware of what's going on in their personal fiefdom at all levels.

I also think evaluations should never be done by management. It should always be peer-based because it's your colleagues who know how well you really work, how you treat customers, whether or not you step up to the plate. And man, would I LOVE to evaluate some of the assholes who eat my time because they simply don't do what they're supposed to.

Boss likes has told me, more than once, that people bring their attitude to work with them. He just doesn't get that people like him, mixed with some other fuckwits, change a positive attitude quite quickly. I also don't live in a vacuum that let's me choose my mood. I need pills or alcohol to make me jolly for no reason, and to the best of my knowledge, that's frowned on at work.

Off to do my required tasks...while grumbling about the fuckwits.

Bee!

The Lemons Will Always Be There

I beginning to think my analogy between my real work and the lemonade stand is bit confusing. Whenever I write lemon it sounds like a bad thing. It isn't. It's simply a substitution for something I love most in the world. Also, the beelemons title sounds like it's "it be bad". I blame the blogger suggestions listed when I couldn't get thelemonadestand.blogspot. Oh well. Stuck with it now.

Moving on.

I had a lovely conversation with a customer the other day who lamented that her teenagers no longer love lemonade. I hear this a lot, and I can't blame them. Lemonade is awesome, it's perfectly balanced across the spectrum of your palette, and it's refreshing. A lot of parents are worried that their kids no longer like lemonade and they've moved on to sodas, coffee, and the dread pirate alcohol. I don't think they should worry, I don't think teenagers should be stuck with something they don't like. I also think they have a lot on their plate and need a little space to decide what they want to drink, or if they don't want to drink anything at all. The current state of our educational system seems to have heaped tons of homework on students, but sort of forgotten to let them develop personalities outside of the spectrum of school. Some of them don't know anything but school and achievement because that's all that's presented to them as important.

And I think it's becoming predominant to think that way. Children have homework in kindergarten! My God, how do you have homework when you can't read or write? But they have flash cards, and books to read, and art projects, and other stuff so they can get graded. When you're four you should get an A+ if you can dress yourself and get to the bathroom in time. That should be the official requirement, no further judgement. It sickens me to think of little ones being stunted by the grading process so early in life. I think in the race for progress and success we're killing something special and something individual. God help you if you learn differently, think differently, or just want something a little more unique than the standard school experience. Some kids are more Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein, both super duper smart but kind of weird guys, and maybe we need to make more room for different types of intelligence.

I can't do anything to change this, I don't work within the education system, but I see the struggle and the effect. But what I told the nice lady lamenting her children's beverage choices, lemons and lemonade aren't going anywhere. Eventually people can escape the shackles of education and when they do, they'll be able to find a lemonade stand somewhere near them.

The Man Called Sir (With Love)

As a counterpoint to yesterday's email I thought I would write about an individual that simply makes me happy, a man I'll call Sir.

He's our janitor.

Sir isn't from Canada originally, but I can't think of a better poster boy for immigration. He's the hardest worker at the lemonade stand; he's also the proudest. This is why Canada's doors should always be open to people from other countries - sometimes they're a great improvement over the population that's been born into entitlement and laziness.

Sir's English isn't perfect, he's also hard of hearing, so communication can sometimes be tricky. His smile, though, is broad and happy every single day. When I'm having a crappy day at work I often look at Sir and get inspired to work a little harder, be a little happier, and just get the job done. Like he does.

He's the first janitor we've ever had and he's really done amazing work cleaning up the stand. All the shelves are dusted, the floor swept, the lemons polished - he works 7 days a week, 9 hours a day. That's two days, two hours longer a day, than everyone else.

When he first started we all felt a little spoiled at having a janitor and a number of us tried to empty our garbage can's when he came around with his giant garbage receptacle at the end of the day. The first time he took it from me, smiled and emptied it himself and nodded when I said thank you. The second day was the same. By the third day Sir had decided to set me straight. He simply motioned no and took the garbage can himself. Then he turned to me and said, "You." and motioned typing on a keyboard. Then he said, "Me." and motioned to the large receptacle. The pride in his smile told me I should not feel guilt that this older man was doing a menial task because this was not a menial task. He does good, honest, hard work and that's what matters at the end of the day. He makes far less money than me -I wish there was some way I could get him a raise!- but he is rewarded in the knowledge that his work matters, is appreciated by thank you's throughout the day, and the satisfaction that comes in knowing hard work is it's own reward. No paycheque or job title can ever compare to that.

I may not be the biggest fan of Boss, who I will sometimes be too hard on it (I'm torn because he so often deserves scrutiny and criticism) but there are some people who I simply love because they show me spirit and dedication that I sometimes find lacking in myself.

So that's Sir. He's awesome.

Bee!

Meet My Boss

I'd worked at The Lemonade Stand for a number of years before my current boss began. Previously I'd worked for an extraordinary individual who had vision and passion for lemonade. It's really hard to go from a boss like that to...well...a dud.

The first time I met Boss I thought he was charming, highly intelligent, and would be a fantastic leader.

He's not. Not any of those words. Not even a little bit.

When you think he's being charming he's actually trying to persuade you to like him because he's a total phony. If it's not about him, he doesn't really care. Most Mondays I get this refrain:

Boss: Bee! Great to see you! How was your weekend.

Bee: Good, how was - (Bee stops speaking as Boss has walked past her and is busy greeting other staff members in the same regard)

Greetings for the rest of the week aren't that much different. I'm pretty sure people who actually care how your weekend was will usually stop and listen for your reply. Pretty sure...

As for intelligence, the man talks a good game. He's not well read, but I think he's read at least one  quotation book to seem that way. He's got a quip from everyone from Plato to Bob Marley to express his feelings at any given situation. I don't know about you, but I don't trust people who can't EVER find their own words to express themselves. I bet he quoted a Celine Dion song when he asked his wife to marry him. (He's actually said that he likes Celine Dion, so that might not be an exaggeration).

As for being a fantastic leader...he's not even half-decent. For someone who has the current "It" book for business prominently displayed on the edge of his desk, you'd think he'd crack a spine every now and again. He never exhibits a love of lemonade that seems true and honest. It's like he picked a career in lemonade, but only because he thought yellow was a favorable color for his complexion. The only place I'd ever want to follow this is so-called leader is to his car, after he's packed up all his belongings from his office. Then I want to applaud while he drives off to a new job somewhere far, far away.

He kind of wins you over every now and again though because I don't think he's an inherently bad guy. He's got a big ego and lousy self esteem and we all know that's the combination that creates a douchebag. I always feel like such a sucker when I buy back into the idea that he cares about lemons and lemonade stands, but he has consistently proven himself a huge phony, so I now actively avoid interacting with him. Usually if he passes my section of the lemonade stand I will turn away and reach for ice or something. Ignoring him helps me get through the day. Plus it's a fun little game that plays with his mind.

He can, however, be occasionally funny. There was one instance that he and I were standing at the front of the lemonade stand and a toddler wearing a harness was threatening to overturn a barrel of lemons. Boss turned to me and said, "Guess we know why that kid's wearing a leash."

He has some good lines. Just wish he was more of a good guy.

So that's Boss. More soon.

Bee!

The Lemonade Stand

When I was a tiny Bee I always loved the lemonade stand. I loved the way the lemons smelled, fresh and tasty, the bright yellow of their skin, the little cups that only cost a dime. It was an ideal treat for a summer's day.

I loved lemonade stands until I started working at the lemonade stand. Then all the dirty business of lemonade stands became apparent to me and what used to be a sweet tart treat became a bureaucratic nightmare.

I, obviously, don't really work at a lemonade stand. This blog is my quiet protest at the arrogance of the government run organization that employs me. I work with some amazing people - some of them are even in upper management! - but some of them are narcissistic, stupid, and due for a public flogging. This is their public floggingg, without actually identifying the real individual. Or giving them an actual flogging. It's not that kind of government job.

And I actually don't want to get fired for this because I sort of love most aspects of my job. I just want to share the moronic/strange behavior of a few choice individuals. Really. You won't believe people who have university degrees, masters degrees, and MBAs are this stupid. Here's an example of one encounter I had recently with a coworker.

I stumble across an angry co-worker beating a a brand new photocopier with the palms of her hands. She slaps it on the sides and on the top and gives it a sound kick to the base.

A: I can't get this fucking photocopier to work! This thing is like totally broken.

Bee looks at photocopier and flips a switch.

Bee: It helps to turn it on first.

A: Oh. (photocopies page and walks away)

What makes this worse is that A is actually in a management position, and a community representative. She has two undergrad degrees, plus a masters. And a lot of weirdly distributed rage taken out on innocent office tools, co-workers, and once, a potted plant. She also makes her own pants. Apparently the ones sold in stores don't fit her right so she takes to the sewing machine with the most unbelievable fabric around. Palm trees are not what I normally consider to be common on pants, in the winter, in CANADA. You can see why I need to share. Who does that? The world needs to know people like this exist. I want to help spread the word.

So that's what this blog is - stories about work, people I encounter when I work with the public, and maybe a little commentary on some other stuff. I'll try to temper the work related anger with some humor, but sometimes this place might be a small angry blog about work. I'm sure you can relate.

Feel free to leave your own stories in the comments. But remember, details will get YOU fired. Keep it covert, folks. Best to be employed and angry than unemployed, broke, and angry.

Bee!